Michael Jackson: Not Dead After All

Last June, several reports began circulating the internet that Michael Jackson had passed away. Okay, let’s be honest: EVERYONE was covering the story. Well, almost everyone. I never wrote an article about Jackson’s passing because I was always skeptical. Forever the procrastinator, I put off doing research until now.

From my ten minutes of digging, I have discovered that Michael Jackson is not dead after all. He is simply a 40-year-old man who had his career cut short by injuries at the ripe age of 29, after just 8 years of service. While showing flashes of brilliance, his possibly untapped potential was never fully realized. You may or may not be aware that several companies actually made trading cards of Jackson, two of which are shown below:

Michael Jackson
Click image for full-sized scan

Jackson was drafted in the sixth round of the 1991 NFL Draft by the Cleveland Browns and remained with the organization his entire, albeit short, career, moving to Baltimore with the team in 1996. The first year in that new city proved successful for Jackson as he led the NFL in receiving touchdowns with 14 (a tie with Charger Tony Martin). Injuries did force him to retire after the 1998 season, but as far as the records show, he did not succumb to illness on June 25, 2009. Crazy media.

What? Who did you think I was referring to?

On a related note, I wonder if Jackson had to obtain an unlisted phone number to avoid the “No. I’m not! I will not do the Thriller dance. If you call one more time tonight, I am notifying the police.” type phone calls. Sorta like people named Michael Bolton got a bad rap once that no-talent ass-clown became famous and starting winning Grammys.

Michael Bolton
“I told those fudge packers
I liked Michael Bolton’s music…”

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